The transition of coming to college was an odd one. A mixed
bowl of thrilling independence and irritation of a no longer simple life. As my
best friends and I laid on the carpet this past weekend we laughed at all our
failed expectations of what we thought freshman year would be. Don’t get me
wrong, we all have claimed freshman year as an unforgettable adventure that we are
grateful for. But still, we laughed. Laughed at what we thought our dorms rooms
would look like- chic, cute, and organized- instead of the reality of
cinderblock walls and limited closet space. We laughed at what we thought our
love lives would be- being whisked away by the cute boy in a class evolving
into a romantic relationship- more like being beat out by another girl for that
one decent-looking guy… or calling up
your best friend at 1:00 in the morning because you’re more interested in their
late-night mumbles than your most recent date. We laughed (or cried) at the
actuality of the freshman fifteen. We laughed at how everybody failed to
mention that college means school. Like, really, how did no one warn me that
your life revolves around studying, not partying all night? Hollywood and
Facebook you have failed me. We laughed
at our fears of being far apart. When really, even sixty days apart didn’t even
put a dent into our friendships. We laughed. Really hard. Because it turns out
the things we didn’t think we would struggle with, we did. And things we thought
we would struggle with, we didn’t. And we laughed because the year we thought would cause us to drift apart brought us closer than we could have imagined.
Mainly because we all encountered, in one-way or another,
one of the hardest years of our lives. A year where we surely all made a
phone-call at one point, with cracking voices, saying, “I’m not happy.” Those dreaded words. The words that no one
should have to admit or feel, and yet we all said them. But fortunately (or
unfortunately), we didn’t have to face that realization alone; because it so
happened we all went through that extended funk
together… at the same time. Now that was a new one.
As friends we like to balance each other out. Whether it’s
personal characteristics or helping each other through tough times, balance is
our motto. So I have grown used to having someone lift me up when I am down
and vice versa. Well what happens when all
your best friends are down when you are down? Welcome to freshman year. Perhaps
the hardest thing wasn’t even regarding our own pain, it was not being able fix
each other’s. We were apart, and during those hard days, distance was an
inevitable strain. For the first time we couldn’t drive five minutes for a DC
pick-me-up or give each other a hug. Calling became the only tool available,
but soon enough, we learned that even the most perfect words couldn’t make
everything better. We couldn’t solve each other’s financial burden. We couldn’t
decide each other’s future plans. We couldn’t ace each other’s tests. We
couldn’t mend each other’s broken hearts. We couldn’t take away illness. We
just couldn’t fix each other. All we could do was be there for each other, and
pray that one day we would all get our “happy” back.
It’s the oldest desire in the book, to be happy. Honestly, why is it so hard to
“find” happiness and even harder to keep it. Deep down we all know we have the
power to be happy, it’s all about attitude and perspective. And yet, during
this year, no matter how positive or hopeful we were, none of us could get our
happy back. I started to doubt if I could get back that place, or even if that
place existed anymore. To be honest, I didn’t really know what was going to
make me happy. Things that made me happy during high school weren’t necessarily
available to me at this stage in life— so I set out on an expedition to find a
new kind of happiness.
So I made lists.
And goals.
And plans.
And prayed that I would find what I was so desperately
looking for. That we would all find what were were looking for.
And then I found it.
No, not happiness- but the lesson that
Heavenly Father wanted me to learn.
I learned that happiness is not, I repeat NOT, a
destination.
Just like the pot of gold is never found at the end of the
rainbow, happiness isn’t found at the end of the journey.
But instead, the real treasure is found in the beauty of the
rainbow itself.
And happiness is found…well, in this plot-twisting journey
we call life.
Happiness is found in everyday blessings that we tend to
ignore. It’s found in simple moments, simple pleasures, and by no means
requires huge opportunity or demands an Instagram post.
Happy is a Harry Potter marathon with your brothers.
Happy is a good run.
Happy is taking the sacrament.
Happy is lunch with your mom.
Happy is watching Anastasia at 2 in the morning
Happy is your dad giving you dating advice (which was surprisingly helpful?)
Happy is hearing your grandma tell stories about her
childhood.
Happy is reading inspiring letters from your friends around
the world.
Happy is dancing with your hallmates to Celin Dion.
Happy is a DC run with friends.
Happy is listening to others.
Happy is Temple Tuesday.
Happy is love.
Loving what you’re doing, loving others, loving yourself, and loving the plan that Heavenly Father has created
specifically for you.
It may be a simple realization, but it took me awhile to
figure out. Truth is, I know being happy is going to be constant battle and
choice that I will face every day. But I’m learning that when I express my
gratitude for the little things, the big things don’t seem as big or necessary
anymore. And being happy ain't all that difficult.
This realization came on Saturday night while we were
laughing over our failed predictions of freshman year. Because although my
trials have yet to pass and there’s no certainty of when they will pass… I
realized I finally started to find joy in the journey not the destination. I
was living for that moment and nothing else.
So we laughed.
And then my heart warmed, because I realized in the hardest
times of our lives, we can still be happy. And this moment, with these best friends
of mine..
Well, they were my happy.
Love Always,
Lauren
