three things

college. good thing i just retyped that word about 3 times because i wasn't positive how to spell it...ironic. maybe i shouldn't be in college yet if i flippin can't even spell it correctly!

haha well i'm obviously kidding. that was just another one of my second guessing moments-and lately i've found that i've been doing that a lot.

second guessing about college, friends, choices, classes, majors, mission...and basically anything else there is to second guess about-lets be real here. i was even second guessing about writing this post, i don't really have anything to say so get ready for some rambling!

so here are the three things that i've realized over the past couple of months...

let's start where this "second-guessing" state of mind began: 

1. college.

my school colors of green and grey are now red and black 

the student section Ozone of 100 kids is now the MUSS of 6,000 students

seeing familiar faces everyday has changed to seeing about 5 per week

having the best group of boys in driving distance are now all across the globe

seeing and talking to all my girls each day is now a phone call each week

living at home near my family is now my little quaint dorm room all by myself 

and my favorite little Olympus High School community is now the huge University of Utah.

Now saying that i have gotten used to this way of life would be a definite lie. it's become recognizable but not yet comfortable. see, and i know i'll get used to it, i know that. i know that the first semester of college blows and that it will get better. i know that. but for right now, its not better.

i mean, i really have been enjoying this new way of life(in some aspects). my favorite thing about it so far is that college really does bring a sense of independence. i can do what i want, when i want, and how i want. i can do me.

from the words of the famous Jaren Quincy Jones and my lovely best friend, Lauren Anderson...
"you do you" and "make it work"
have become my new mottos.

i hate all of the sappy quotes like "you were born to stand out" and blah blah blah...but it really is true. you do you. why is it so hard to not be ourselves sometimes? you do you, because that's where you'll find lasting joy and satisfaction. really, true happiness comes from being yourself-why wouldn't it?  nobody else's happiness is your own. your own self knows how to make your own true happiness-nobody else does.

so realizing this got me
thinking about how there isn't a right/better way to do anything. there is not a set way
of how to live a life.
you don't have to know everybody at school.
you don't have to be social and go to every event that comes up.
you don't have to go out every night and talk to people.
you don't even have to leave your flippin room if you don't want to!
you don't have to do anything you don't want to do! there is not a right way to do life. there literally isn't. so do what works for you because in the end, that is what will ultimately make you happy.
you do you and do what works for you. yet, also realize that other people won't do you. they will do them. so then you have to make it work for you. 

2. this time.

throughout all of this second guessing crap, i've really come to realize what this time of my life is really for-it's for me. 
i didn't realize this until one of my best friends, Maura Ruth Dern, had this quote on her blog. ------------>
it's a time of "discovery and experiment" and it shouldn't be taken advantage of. use it!!!!
see but this idea has taken a while to sink in for me. 
i don't think that some people realize that our grade is the first to experience the mission age change. we're the first group of girls to go through 2 years without any of our best guy friends. we didn't get a summer and we didn't the first year of college with the boys that we've grown up with. farewells weren't spread out over the course of a year or two. no-it was over a course of 3 months. our last summer when we were supposed to be all together, was overtaken by those 70+ goodbyes. 
so basically not the norm you would say.
but obviously now, i wouldn't take that away for anything. instead of getting close over that last summer that we didn't get, we got close over that last part of senior year. we bonded more than ever before and were all so excited about what was to come because we grew together.
all of those boys are such great examples, i love and appreciate them more than words can describe. i wouldn't change the situation for anything. i feel so grateful to one day be able to tell my future family that my grade was affected most by that announcement and that my guy friends jumped up and were ready to go. 
again though, it took me(and my girls) a long time to realize this sense of gratitude. we were constantly questioning if we were important in this time. all the focus was on the Elders and we felt like we had nothing to contribute and that this time was only meant for them. after praying to Heavenly Father each night in search for an answer, i finally found that this time is for us girls too. it's pretty simple. 
all the boys are gone on missions. its a time for us girls to focus on ourselves. 
don't we all want that? haha kidding (not kidding). but seriously. boys are such a distraction! 
so i've found that this is a time for us girls to focus on ourselves. it's a time for us to grow spiritually and intellectually-like they are right now. i could go on, but i'd get sappy and i'd hate that. haha so interpret my belief as you'd like. 

3. progression.

so....FHE(friends home evening) is my favorite thing on this earth. monday nights have now become my favorite time of the week. 
so johanna estrada(if you don't know her-get to know her) taught this amazing lesson last monday and the spirit was super strong. she taught us that there's only progression and digression. if we want to progress, we can't and won't be able to stay comfortable. 
and that's how i've felt lately. i felt like i've just been in a rut. so that was a definite answer to my prayers. i realized that i always need to be trying and i never need to be lazy. i need to try new things and progress in my life and my goals. we can't skim the surface we need to be fully involved in our life. i realized that nothing is going to be done if i don't take action. you can't plow a field with your mind!
i loved conference because of all the advice we got about this and trusting in Heavenly Father. it has been such a prevalent thing that i've learned to revolve my life around it. just trusting in Him because He knows best. i've learned to go with my gut and trust in the spirit more because He knows me the best and knows what is best for me.
so here's to my obsession with conference and making pinterest quote pics...

 so there's my three things. sorry for the ramble!

love,

moss