Fresh.

Here's the deal. I really really try not to be nostalgic. Like okay, I get the past is the past and you need to move on and blah blah blah. But every once in awhile, I think it's a okay to take a stroll down memory lane. To remember the thoughts, the fears, the game changers.. all the things that led you to where you are now. I think it's okay to celebrate how far you've come, to long for the things that are no longer in your grasp, and to recollect the memories that made your heart warm and smile bright. Of course you can't do this all the time because then you would ignore all things available to you in the present- but sometimes being nostalgic is one of the most comforting things for the mind. Maybe because it helps you gain perspective or even provides hope. It reminds you that the things that you thought were a w f u l, weren't all that bad. And the things that brought you bliss, were actually the things you ignored. It's nostalgia that ironically motivates us to make the most of every current moment and gives us the strength to see the good in the midst of bad because before you know it, those "times" of our life are vanished and become shelved memories and lessons. So maybe people get sick of remember whens and what I learned stories, but at the end of the day I know my intentions and understand why I take trips down memory lane. Because to me it's not about reliving, it's about sharing. Sharing advice, opinions, hope, a helpful to hand to those who are facing change and challenges that I have been privileged to encounter already. Truth is, I've always longed to have an older sister to guide my unknown paths, help direct to me to the good life, and teach me methods to avoid the demons that tend to get in the way. Obviously for me, this is not the case. But not having a sister has has inspired me to assure similar, wandering girls out there, that I got you. And this post, it's not for me, it's for you. And whether you need one or not, you have an older sister that has your back.

News around the block is that you start your freshman year within a few short days. You probably have about 2374893 questions, a wee bit of sadness, but a whole lot of excitement. You're ready, and you know it, but sometimes the nerves and unfamiliarity of the unknown messes with your confidence. How am I going to handle school, will I make friends, what will happen with friends back at home, how will I manage without my mom???…. the list goes on. But ultimately there's only one honest question that you want to be answered. The funny thing is, you don't even know it's a question…not yet, anyway.

Right now, it's not a question, it's an expectation. But one day, it will creep up on you without you even knowing... and you'll subconsciously begin to ask... and before you know it you'll silently be demanding answers of how to solve the improbable. But maybe, just maybe, if you let me be your older sister for a minute or two I can give you a cheat sheet to the answer. And maybe help you avoid the mess I got in my freshman year. And hopefully guide you to a year of that you will never want to forget.

What's the question you (will) ask:

What can I do to have a great freshman year?

silly, right? I know, I know. You're moving away from home, you're on your own, there's new guys+friends to meet, you're living with your best friend.. How much more do I need to have great freshman year? That's what I thought at least. I literally expected nothing but the best. And to be fair to myself, in a way I am glad I had expectations for happiness and smooth sailing; my expectations weren't necessarily bad, my methods of achieving them was where I messed up. I put my confidence in things that really made reaching my expectations unrealistic. Soon enough I experienced things that shook me and left my heart in a tangle and soon enough I realized that things like having the perfect roommate or class schedule wasn't going to cut it long term. If I wanted a great year and lasting happiness, I was going to have to rely on stronger principles and develop my faith in something greater than myself. And so that's what I did. And even though it took me a little longer than I would've liked, I'm perfectly fine with it now. Because now I get to pass on the lessons I learned on to you. Read if you will, apply if you want, but these are the things I wished I knew going into my freshman year. 

1. Make no assumptions.
 Make no assumptions when it comes to meeting new people, your class schedule, or even to yourself. Assumptions kill so many opportunities without you even knowing it and even limits your ability to grow. I kid you not, the first time one of my best friends from school, I straight up said, "there's no way I will be friends with that girl, we are way too different."  SO wrong and so grateful that I was. Don't assume that you're not smart enough, don't assume that that cute boy won't go for a girl like you, don't assume that you aren't able to handle all that's thrown at you. Just don't. Forget the assumptions and you will come into your own like never before.

2. Forget the "Should"
With freshman year comes so much freedom, but sometimes it's super easy to get lost and just go with the crowd. Oh, I should go to that party because everyone else is there. I should major in this because people say it's applicable to most lifestyles. I should do this and that, and do everything that people say would be "good" for me. Forget it all. Do you things are right for you. Choose that music major, date who you want to date, go to the library on a friday night if that's what you want! Forget the should. You'll discover that when you start doing what you think is right for you, you will find the path you're meant to be on. 

3. Don't be afraid to stand alone. 
There's going to be times this year where you will be surrounded by so many friends and new places.. and then there's times where you will feel a whole new level of loneliness. And the thing is, we act like being lonely is something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.  Being alone is nothing to be embarrassed about. When you have the chance to stand alone, you grow in ways that are so perfect and personal that you won't want to change it for anything. Don't get me wrong, staying locked up is not a fun way to spend your life, but do not underestimate the experience of growth and love from God in those moments of darkness and sorrow. And hey news flash people, SO many people just like you are feeling the exact same way! So don't let standing alone keep you from going to that soccer game or going to dinner, chances are you'll find someone just like you, feeling the exact same way. 

4. Have gratitude.
Obvious, right? But seriously, have gratitude for anything and everything. Yes, be thankful for the big opportunities but be more grateful for the little things. I know that sounds a little reversed, but what I've learned is that the everyday wonders matter more than the every-once-in-awhile events. Find gratitude when you feel like there is nothing to be grateful for, even if it's as simple as "I got a killer parking spot today." But for real, that has made it into my gratitude journal. No shame. Having gratitude will seriously make the biggest difference in your year. Be grateful and celebrate the the little things because they will be the things you will cherish the most in the end.  

5. Make it yours. 
The most important thing you can recognize about freshman year is that it's going to be different for everyone. I made the big mistake that my freshman year was going to be exactly like the girls' who went before me. You're going to look at girls and think "wow, their life is perfect." But let me assure you, no matter how perfect it may be, yours is better because it's yours. Don't try to squeeze your life into the mold that you think it should be, live your life the way you want it to be and become the person you want to be. Don't let those perfectly edited pictures on social media convince you that your freshman year isn't wonderful because it most definitely is. This year is Yours, don't let anyone or anything take that away from you. 

Alright, your annoying, nostalgic older sister is done rambling. But seriously, go have fun out there and find what makes your heart happy. Maybe these tips of advice will help you get there, maybe not. But if you take anything from me just remember this: it's not about where you are, what you're majoring in, or how freakin' lost and alone you may feel... It's about your mindset. Have a positive mind and you will reach your full potential and will surely have a blast of a year. 

Freshman year. Take this new start and make it all you want to be. And never forget- when you bomb your political science test, get locked out of your room with only a towel on, stress about the freshman fifteen, or any other twists that come your way- you have a older sister that has your back. 

Love Always, 

Lauren 

Free as a Bird

It all started at the Camden Market in London. A time where change overwhelmed my thoughts and my heart longed for any form of stability. My stomach was in knots resulting from catching a nasty bug and fear of the future.  Truth is, I was scared. Scared that I no longer could call my fellow high school my school. Scared to go to college alone. Scared to say goodbye to those I love and a time of my life I loved. I hated being scared, I always convinced myself to be fearless and for the first time in my life I was truly letting fear get the best of me.

Like any tourist market, there was endless amount of crap. But nonetheless my brothers and I set out on a mission to find a quality souvenir. And then we stumbled upon a little tent of unique, ink art-work. The handmade art was amazing but my attention was drawn to the artist herself. If I had the chance to speak with another stranger for a second time in my life I would surely pick her. I couldn’t tell you her name but I could tell you about her presence.  She had a stillness that brought me peace, she had a passionate spark that gave me hope. She told me stories about spontaneously moving to India and adventures of exploring England by bicycle. She had this love for life that inspired me to do the same. During our conversation I came across a handmade card of hers, it read: “Free as Bird”. That was my souvenir. A remnant of a lovely stranger who reminded me of what I wanted my life to be.

Free as a bird. That was what college was going to be. A chance for a new start, adventure…and far too many expectations. That was where I made my mistake. I had this subconscious idea that the second I moved into my dorm room that my life would just take off. I would instantly be best friends with girls in my hall, I would be dating like a madwoman, I would be loving life like never before. Okay so that fantasy died fast and reality hit hard. Things were more difficult than I expected they would be and even though I was hardly an hour away from home I had never felt more alone in my life. But we all go through hard times so I just told myself to wade it out. A month and half passed and I realized I was still wading out the storm. Looking back I now realize that it was my own fault. You see I still had set expectations. They were the culprit to my unhappiness, they held back my wings of being  ‘Free as a Bird’.

When I finally let go of my expectations and let the Man upstairs lead the way everything just got better. Never would I think by giving up something I could gain so much. I didn’t necessarily gain anything new, I just finally saw what I was blessed with all along. Blessed with a hall of crazy, loving girls. Girls who make me laugh till I can’t breathe, girls who brush my tears off my cheeks during hard times. Blessed with an education that pushes me, inspires me, and motivates me to make something of my life. Blessed with a beautiful world of golden falls and white Christmases. Blessed with a healthy body that allows me to explore that world. Blessed with a hometown that is full of love and the dearest best friends. Blessed with a family that who supports me, laughs at me, and reminds me that life is about the journey not the destination. Blessed with a testimony. Even when it’s as simple as I know that God loves me and I love Him.

I learned that a happy life doesn’t bring gratitude but rather that gratitude makes a happy life. Everyday I feel more and more blessed to be where I am, what I’m doing, and whom I’m with. Gratitude has made me free. Rather than looking at all the things I don’t have that hold me down, acknowledging what I do have has set me free in so many ways. Free from comparing, judgment, negativity, and free from the adversary telling me that I’m not enough. Of course we are all going to have rough days where it feels like nothing can go right. But in those times I stop and try my hardest to name ten things that I’m grateful for… It doesn’t take more than get to #4 that I feel so blessed and happy to have the life the have.

I’m not perfect and everyday is a whole new set of trials and experiences but I’ve learned that to be 'Free as Bird' you need to lose expectations of handling those trials and experiences. Throw them out the window and don’t you dare chase after them. Because the best part about throwing them out is that life doesn’t turn out the way you expect it...

 it’s even better.  

Love Always, 

Lauren 

Lessons and Blessins

So I have officially been in glorious provo for four weeks now and my goodness has it been an experience. But to be quite honest, the whole "college" didn't really hit for me for awhile. It didn't really hit me until I saw a girl I went to high school with who was in the younger grade. She asked me, "So how's college?" anddd I'm like over here thinking "wait, I'm still kid, how could I be in college?" but that got me thinking about these last four weeks and the transition of being a teen to being an adult? haha what a joke, I'm still a baby but nonetheless I have learned quite a bit in this last month of living away from home and I like to categorize these experiences into "Lessons and Blessins". So here's to my favorite (or note worthy) lesson and blessins of the month!

 BLESSIN: To be able to live right next to one of my very longest and dearest best friends. She is the girl that keeps me sane on the daily. I love that I get to share this crazy, new adventure with her. And to think that a friendship like ours has survived from awkward junior high times and going to different high schools... gets me every time. Love my erika

LESSON: I've learned to get your studying doneeee. On average there are about three-four hours where you are legit motivated to study. Take advantage of that time, because chances are by eight at night you are so burned out you will do anything to avoid it. I'm talking about justifying photobooth selfies and Mackelmore moments to avoid studying. So, yes my ADD is already kicking in and that's not too good when you have butt load of homework every night. So those three- four hours of productivity... actually use them. 

LESSON: Always, always, alwaysss say yes to Disco skating. So you may get a concussion and look like fool attempting to dance and skate at the same time... followed by falling your face... but still, one of the funnest things I have done so far. 

 

BLESSIN: Surviving Hurricane Lavelle. So Standing in line for five hours in 95 degree weather for the first football game sounded like a good idea, right? Well, LESSON, never wish that hot sun to go away because surely a hurricane will take over. But hey, standing in the pouring rain for an hour cuddling up to randoms to preserve body heat is an awesome way to meet people. So hurricane Lavelle, you were lovely. 

                                                                The before and after...

BLESSIN: To have a Great Harvest nearby that supplies by need of a good chocolate chip cookie and diet coke on rough days. And wonderful pinterest to keep me laughing on those bad days as well.

LESSON: When you are are going to Hollywood Party, always say yes to Red Lip Stick and run like the wind when someone named Ronell starts to hit on you... No but seriously, run. Fast.

LESSON: I have officially witnessed the struggles of byu football, but seriously, we need to learn to catch a ball. So with that, Ute friends--I bitterly congratulate you. But seriously, ball+hands= catch. One day we will get it. But nonetheless I still love my cougs. 

BLESSIN: Got see Dr. Dog and Lumineers in concert. Easily the best decision of the week. Somehow my friend Lize convinced me and two other strangers to purchase tickets with her. That night we all met for the first time and ventured to Salt Lake to see these amazing bands play. SUCH a good way to spend a school night. SO FUN! Totally worth getting behind on my homework. Simply amazing. 

Biggest BLESSIN & LESSON of all... 

making new, lasting friendships all around. I possibly could not ask for a better building of girls to live with. 

And to feel lucky every day to have such amazing best friends as well back home. I love hearing about their adventures on the daily and I cannot wait to be reunited with them again!

LOVE you all, Miss you like crazy every single day!! 

Love, Lauren