Free as a Bird

It all started at the Camden Market in London. A time where change overwhelmed my thoughts and my heart longed for any form of stability. My stomach was in knots resulting from catching a nasty bug and fear of the future.  Truth is, I was scared. Scared that I no longer could call my fellow high school my school. Scared to go to college alone. Scared to say goodbye to those I love and a time of my life I loved. I hated being scared, I always convinced myself to be fearless and for the first time in my life I was truly letting fear get the best of me.

Like any tourist market, there was endless amount of crap. But nonetheless my brothers and I set out on a mission to find a quality souvenir. And then we stumbled upon a little tent of unique, ink art-work. The handmade art was amazing but my attention was drawn to the artist herself. If I had the chance to speak with another stranger for a second time in my life I would surely pick her. I couldn’t tell you her name but I could tell you about her presence.  She had a stillness that brought me peace, she had a passionate spark that gave me hope. She told me stories about spontaneously moving to India and adventures of exploring England by bicycle. She had this love for life that inspired me to do the same. During our conversation I came across a handmade card of hers, it read: “Free as Bird”. That was my souvenir. A remnant of a lovely stranger who reminded me of what I wanted my life to be.

Free as a bird. That was what college was going to be. A chance for a new start, adventure…and far too many expectations. That was where I made my mistake. I had this subconscious idea that the second I moved into my dorm room that my life would just take off. I would instantly be best friends with girls in my hall, I would be dating like a madwoman, I would be loving life like never before. Okay so that fantasy died fast and reality hit hard. Things were more difficult than I expected they would be and even though I was hardly an hour away from home I had never felt more alone in my life. But we all go through hard times so I just told myself to wade it out. A month and half passed and I realized I was still wading out the storm. Looking back I now realize that it was my own fault. You see I still had set expectations. They were the culprit to my unhappiness, they held back my wings of being  ‘Free as a Bird’.

When I finally let go of my expectations and let the Man upstairs lead the way everything just got better. Never would I think by giving up something I could gain so much. I didn’t necessarily gain anything new, I just finally saw what I was blessed with all along. Blessed with a hall of crazy, loving girls. Girls who make me laugh till I can’t breathe, girls who brush my tears off my cheeks during hard times. Blessed with an education that pushes me, inspires me, and motivates me to make something of my life. Blessed with a beautiful world of golden falls and white Christmases. Blessed with a healthy body that allows me to explore that world. Blessed with a hometown that is full of love and the dearest best friends. Blessed with a family that who supports me, laughs at me, and reminds me that life is about the journey not the destination. Blessed with a testimony. Even when it’s as simple as I know that God loves me and I love Him.

I learned that a happy life doesn’t bring gratitude but rather that gratitude makes a happy life. Everyday I feel more and more blessed to be where I am, what I’m doing, and whom I’m with. Gratitude has made me free. Rather than looking at all the things I don’t have that hold me down, acknowledging what I do have has set me free in so many ways. Free from comparing, judgment, negativity, and free from the adversary telling me that I’m not enough. Of course we are all going to have rough days where it feels like nothing can go right. But in those times I stop and try my hardest to name ten things that I’m grateful for… It doesn’t take more than get to #4 that I feel so blessed and happy to have the life the have.

I’m not perfect and everyday is a whole new set of trials and experiences but I’ve learned that to be 'Free as Bird' you need to lose expectations of handling those trials and experiences. Throw them out the window and don’t you dare chase after them. Because the best part about throwing them out is that life doesn’t turn out the way you expect it...

 it’s even better.  

Love Always, 

Lauren