My Happy

The transition of coming to college was an odd one. A mixed bowl of thrilling independence and irritation of a no longer simple life. As my best friends and I laid on the carpet this past weekend we laughed at all our failed expectations of what we thought freshman year would be. Don’t get me wrong, we all have claimed freshman year as an unforgettable adventure that we are grateful for. But still, we laughed. Laughed at what we thought our dorms rooms would look like- chic, cute, and organized- instead of the reality of cinderblock walls and limited closet space. We laughed at what we thought our love lives would be- being whisked away by the cute boy in a class evolving into a romantic relationship- more like being beat out by another girl for that one decent-looking guy… or calling up your best friend at 1:00 in the morning because you’re more interested in their late-night mumbles than your most recent date. We laughed (or cried) at the actuality of the freshman fifteen. We laughed at how everybody failed to mention that college means school. Like, really, how did no one warn me that your life revolves around studying, not partying all night? Hollywood and Facebook you have failed me. We laughed at our fears of being far apart. When really, even sixty days apart didn’t even put a dent into our friendships. We laughed. Really hard. Because it turns out the things we didn’t think we would struggle with, we did. And things we thought we would struggle with, we didn’t. And we laughed because the year we thought would cause us to drift apart brought us closer than we could have imagined.

Mainly because we all encountered, in one-way or another, one of the hardest years of our lives. A year where we surely all made a phone-call at one point, with cracking voices, saying, “I’m not happy.”  Those dreaded words. The words that no one should have to admit or feel, and yet we all said them. But fortunately (or unfortunately), we didn’t have to face that realization alone; because it so happened we all went through that extended funk together… at the same time. Now that was a new one.

As friends we like to balance each other out. Whether it’s personal characteristics or helping each other through tough times, balance is our motto. So I have grown used to having someone lift me up when I am down and vice versa. Well what happens when all your best friends are down when you are down? Welcome to freshman year. Perhaps the hardest thing wasn’t even regarding our own pain, it was not being able fix each other’s. We were apart, and during those hard days, distance was an inevitable strain. For the first time we couldn’t drive five minutes for a DC pick-me-up or give each other a hug. Calling became the only tool available, but soon enough, we learned that even the most perfect words couldn’t make everything better. We couldn’t solve each other’s financial burden. We couldn’t decide each other’s future plans. We couldn’t ace each other’s tests. We couldn’t mend each other’s broken hearts. We couldn’t take away illness. We just couldn’t fix each other. All we could do was be there for each other, and pray that one day we would all get our “happy” back. 

It’s the oldest desire in the book, to be happy. Honestly, why is it so hard to “find” happiness and even harder to keep it. Deep down we all know we have the power to be happy, it’s all about attitude and perspective. And yet, during this year, no matter how positive or hopeful we were, none of us could get our happy back. I started to doubt if I could get back that place, or even if that place existed anymore. To be honest, I didn’t really know what was going to make me happy. Things that made me happy during high school weren’t necessarily available to me at this stage in life— so I set out on an expedition to find a new kind of happiness.

 So I made lists.

And goals.

And plans.

And prayed that I would find what I was so desperately looking for. That we would all find what were were looking for.

And then I found it.

 No, not happiness- but the lesson that Heavenly Father wanted me to learn.

I learned that happiness is not, I repeat NOT, a destination.

Just like the pot of gold is never found at the end of the rainbow, happiness isn’t found at the end of the journey.

But instead, the real treasure is found in the beauty of the rainbow itself.

And happiness is found…well, in this plot-twisting journey we call life.

Happiness is found in everyday blessings that we tend to ignore. It’s found in simple moments, simple pleasures, and by no means requires huge opportunity or demands an Instagram post. Happy is possessed in moments, not some unfound destination. 

Happy is a Harry Potter marathon with your brothers. 

Happy is a good run. 

Happy is taking the sacrament. 

Happy is lunch with your mom. 

Happy is watching Anastasia at 2 in the morning 

Happy is your dad giving you dating advice (which was surprisingly helpful?)

Happy is hearing your grandma tell stories about her childhood. 

Happy is reading inspiring letters from your friends around the world. 

Happy is dancing with your hallmates to Celin Dion. 

Happy is a DC run with friends. 

Happy is listening to others. 

Happy is Temple Tuesday. 

Happy is love.

Loving what you’re doing, loving others, loving yourself, and loving the plan that Heavenly Father has created specifically for you.

It may be a simple realization, but it took me awhile to figure out. Truth is, I know being happy is going to be constant battle and choice that I will face every day. But I’m learning that when I express my gratitude for the little things, the big things don’t seem as big or necessary anymore. And being happy ain't all that difficult.  

This realization came on Saturday night while we were laughing over our failed predictions of freshman year. Because although my trials have yet to pass and there’s no certainty of when they will pass… I realized I finally started to find joy in the journey not the destination. I was living for that moment and nothing else.

So we laughed.

And then my heart warmed, because I realized in the hardest times of our lives, we can still be happy.  And this moment, with these best friends of mine..

Well, they were my happy.

Love Always,

Lauren