straight bummin'

straight bummin'

:a phrase that I've heard quite a bit lately from various individuals. It's a term that we'd say doesn't have a clear definition but is clearly felt. It's that feeling that everybody hates and tries to avoid, the feeling of dissatisfaction from an unknown source, that indescribable "blahhhhh" feeling (haha), that feeling of neither happiness nor misery, but right dead-set in the middle: "straight bummin".

Now kudos to those individuals that haven't felt this before; you've found your cure, you've found the solution that works for you, and you've successfully avoided this incredibly annoying feeling. Usually feelings of remorse, guilt, jealousy, sadness, or anger are easily fixed because you can trace to the direct source. But, when you're "straight bummin'" that source is untraceable, which then makes it hard to resolve.
This particular feeling could derive from anything: the monotonous daily routine I follow for work and school, or that I'm part of the small group of girls that discovered a mission isn't in their predetermined plan, or that more than 75% of the people in my age group are gone, or that I'm at a point in my life where huge decisions are being made on the daily -  i do. not. know. It's incredibly frustrating and gets old pretty dang quick. I hope somebody can vouch for this because it drives me nuts! These feelings bring you down and limit simple motives like hope, determination, and thrill from happening. They limit you from freaking enjoy this amazing life that we've been so blessed to receive. Ha as you can tell, I really really despise this "straight bummin" thing.

Now this post isn't meant for you to build a self-pitying novel about your life (we all have those once in a while, but they're honestly always ineffective and never helpful). This post is to ultimately change this lame stage that we all go through. Because I found my solution, I know that anybody can find theirs. In these past few weeks, and through many different experiences, I think I've finally discovered the secret to finding the cure. So I'm here to help those of you (trek on!! :) ) that are still in that rut and have a deep desire to get out.

I've always believed that a genuine, caring listener is the cure to anything; a person who truly has your best interest at heart can make any problem go away (along with a long vacation to Lake Powell :) ). Being surrounded by people who desire your personal happiness can never disappoint. My awesome, incredibly genuine, intelligent listener dad is one of these people in my life. I've been blessed with somebody that knows how I'm feeling even when I haven't said a word. My dad knew I was "bummin'". So as he cautiously attempted to enter the complicated young-adult female mind, I could already feel his genuine concern and readied advice. He patiently sat and listened to my confusing, indistinct explanation about how I was feeling unsure, uneasy, and unknowing about just about everything in my life. Then, with such humility and grace, asked...

"Kate, what in life, makes you content?" 

Now not only am I the most indecisive person in the world, but I'm also horrible at giving direct, firm answers. I had no idea the answer to that simple question. Who knew that such a straight forward question could be the answer to such an indistinct concept? This isn't an easy question to answer so I don't expect you to know right away, but seriously consider and think about it. This is the cure. This can change your "straight bummin'" days into "straight livin'" days. So when you're feeling lost or insignificant or unsure, take your time and focus on this idea.

"This is a simple but critical lesson to learn. When stress levels rise, when distress appears, when tragedy strikes, too often we attempt to keep up with the same frantic pace or even accelerate, thinking somehow that the more rushed our pace, the better off we will be. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most." - President Uchtdorf

You've got to discover what brings satisfaction to your life and the "what's" and "why's" to your daily actions. Ultimately, you've got to find what your purpose is. Why do you go to work and school? Why does your path not lead to a mission? What are you doing with your life while everybody is gone? Why are you deciding on those certain life-altering choices? 

"They who have no central purpose in their life fall an easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubled, and self-pityings, all of which are indications of weakness, which lead, just as surely as deliberately planned sins, to failure, unhappiness, and loss, for weakness cannot persist in a power-evolving universe. "

Now not everybody is going to agree on one universal cure. Not everybody's solution is going to be the same because it's based on such a personal level. But I'm telling you mine so you can find yours. 

As I've pondered this thought for the past couple of weeks, I've discovered that what makes me content is pretty simple-it's seeing others content. Nothing brings me more satisfaction than seeing the people I love happy. Because this brings me so much genuine joy, I know that this is my purpose in this life! As cheesy and yet, obvious, as it sounds, the path that we are supposed to be on is supposed to bring us the most joy. So, making others happy makes me most happy. I realized that I live to make sure people are content. So even when I'm "bummin" or distraught or upset, my motivation comes from my desire to brings others up. I want to be happy so I can make others happy.

One of my good friends nanny's a family that loss their mother recently. In Relief Society a couple weeks ago she stated,

"Some days I just feel down and want to sit around and mope about my own life and I don't have any motivation to be happy or positive. But then I go to my job and see these adorable kids and see how they've lost their mom and I realize that they need someone to be that light. They need someone to be happy for them and be that example during this hard loss."

So on those days that I can't be content for myself, I'm going to make an effort to be happy for the people around me. I want to emulate the light that I am given everyday through Christ. I want to live in a hopeful, positive way so that I can have The Spirit to guide me on how I can help others be happy. This is my goal and this is what I work towards and focus on everyday. I go to work and school because I love the relationships I have with people there, I chose to be content with not serving a mission because I value the predetermined plan and love my Father in Heaven who created it for me, I'm staying here to grow individually so I can be my best self to serve everybody when they get home, and I'm living according to my goals so I can make the right life-changing decisions. Because I remember and focus on my purpose, those bummin' days cease.

So discover what makes you content and satisfied with your days. Happiness is so important-if not the most important-in this life. Think, decide and act with purpose. If you can't find it right away, start putting yourself out there. Try new things-there's an infinite amount of options. Make goals and work towards something. Don't let that bummin' come back!

"Those who are not prepared for the apprehension of a great purpose, should fix the thoughts upon the faultless performance of their duty, no matter how insignificant their task may appear."

love you all of course! this one is dedicated to you lovely ladies!

love,

moss

Go Get It

I always think it's funny to think of how people come up with blog post ideas. Like what made them think, "hey I want to write about that doormat" or "yes, I definitely need to post about what my water bottle taught me today." Like really, where do those moments come from where you can hardly wait to write about that little something. That little something that makes us stop everything we are doing and go YES. WRITE, NOW. But as silly as it sounds, those moments do come, and the urgency is very real (and don't worry, I know I'm a writer geek. Whatevs) Well, for me it came for me today while untangling a gigantic knot consisting of 5 necklaces (oh and it makes for a super fun time when they are all silver too) as a result of being too lazy to unpack them twelve days ago... and effortlessly settling into some deep thought about my time in France thus far. Which of course has drove my ambition to write..and possibly procrastinate my tangled mess for a bit longer... 

Coming to study abroad in France is a dream. Let's be real, it's crazy exciting, but crazy real too. Three months in a foreign country? So much opportunity to learn, grow, experience, yada yada yada. But never forget there's another (quite nerve-racking) side of the dream. It's the crap-I-don't-speak-french and wait-this-doesn't-feel-like-home side. It's the side that consists of some homesick nights, unfamiliar food, and getting lost on the metro errrday. But it's an adventure, just like I wanted. 

Before I left people would ask me "Are you crazy excited?" or "So what's on your agenda for the next three months?" And each time I would just give them the reaction they wanted, the dropped jaw, wide-eyed smile that I was just sooo excited. A little fake? maybe. A white lie? not entirely. OF COURSE I was excited. Why else would I sign up? le duh. But I was scared. This was new, I was alone, and wasn't exactly sure what I wanted out of the program. And let's be real, I just knew I literally had no idea what I was signing up for. But before I knew it, my bags were packed and I was on my way to the land of crepes and Ratatouille (disney nerd, what up). As I sat down on the plane I had two immediate thoughts that consumed the entire 11 hour flight. One being, "ya, okay, this guy next to me has the worst b.o." and the second, "What do I want out of these three months?"

Adventure, obviously. But I knew there was something more… I just wasn't sure what it was. 

So I got off that plane and the "adventure" officially began. So far it has included some snail dinners, some deep belly laughs, far too many (but worthwhile) pastries, and never ending aching feet (which won't be going away anytime soon). But more than anything it has given me some time to really think- about home, myself, my future, and this incredible opportunity. And it has taken me 12 days, but I found it. I think I have finally have found what I want for myself these coming months. 

And here's the deal, I'm not going to say what it is. 

Not to be nagging, not to be attention seeking, but because I really think you could gain so much more for yourself by not. (Ah-hah the blog post takes a twist :)) But rather, how bout we stop comparing our adventures to each other's and start soaking up our own. Ya feel me? Instead, find what you want to make of yourself these coming months. If these past two weeks have taught me anything it's that opportunity for adventure is literally anywhere you're willing to look. And of course people will say, "But you're in France, it's so easy to say that." But I'm serious. I'm seriously looking forward to the time I get home so I can get down to business to change some things in my life. 

Being away I've discovered habits are good, structure and order are fabuloussss!.. but are also sometimes the culprit of us saying those daunting phrases of "my life is boring" or "nothing is happening in my life." But here's what's awesome, we don't have to be the victim if we don't want to be. We can make our days adventurous, our dreams actually real, we really can make what we want of our lives! And I just didn't realize this because now I'm in this fascinating country-- uh WRONGO. This whole perception that I'm free from trouble and the real world because I'm abroad, well it's actually hilariously not true. Life here- It's wonderful but it's hard. And it's a blessing but it's also a trial too. Everyday I'm learning something about myself, and everyday I'm beginning to understand that an adventurous life isn't based off opportunity, it's on how we want to see the world we live in. 

So friends, if you're up for a challenge, I'm throwing out there that you sit down and really think what these coming months to be for yourself. Now caution, sometimes things don't always go as planned and sometimes the wind gets in the way (as I'm casually ignoring the crawling spider(s) of my new bedroom)- but the good news is, when you know what you want your life to be, you have the power to adjust your sails to get there. So make some goals, be happy, and never undermine the opportunities that are placed right beneath your feet. And whether we are abroad, at school, or anywhere else- make these next months (and years, of course) yours and let's inspire each other to make more of our lives. 

And just in case you didn't know- Your dreams are important and possible, your ability is wrongfully underrated, and you really do have the power to change the world! Let's get off Netflix and go make something of our days. Stop planning on tomorrows and start living today. And that little dream or secret desire of yours.. go get it. It's worth it, I'm sure of it. 

Love and MISS you all!

 ('specially you ladies, you know who you are)

I'll be sure to eat enough macaroons for you all… 

not like I don't do that already… awk. 

Love always, Laur