l i v e

A few weeks ago, on a Tuesday night and eve of a huge music test, I was walking with one of my new best friends down the sidewalk to continue studying what I had been drilling into my brain for the last several hours. I kept complaining to her how I felt that no matter how hard I’d study, there still was no chance of me getting an A on this test. In the middle of my discouraged and stressful complaints, she interrupted me and said:

“Brianna. You need to know when to live in the moment, and when to plan ahead.”

She explained to me something that I’ve heard a million times in my life. “Stressing isn’t going to help you do better on the test.” I guess that I’ve allowed this statement to pass right through my mind time and time again. I guess it must have been the way she said it to me, because I believed her. For the first time, honestly probably in my whole life, I stopped complaining about what I should have done better and that I should have started this two weeks ago and I at least could have done something last night and realized this was not the time to plan ahead. This was the time to live in the moment, because there was nothing I could do. After the test – now that was the time to plan ahead, to make achievable goals I could follow through with. So, I did something I’ve never done before. I studied personally challenging material that I knew I wouldn’t be able to master in two hours, and I did it with good energy. Then I went to bed, and performed better on the test then I would have ever imagined.

But that night taught me more than I need to stress less and start studying earlier for my music tests.

I’ve never handled change very well.  See, I hated college months before I even got there.  At the end of high school, I finally was feeling established. I knew who my best friends were, I knew which talents I should continue developing, I was feeling confident in what I believe, I enjoyed what I was involved in, I knew what I loved and I knew who I loved.

Somewhere along the way I forced myself into believing the end of summer 2013 was going to take away all these things from me and force me into a world I already hated. Why did I hate it? Well, because this new chapter of my life didn't offer me the comfort of what I've always known. This chapter had no promises for me. And I love promises. I love things I can count on. I love tangible and I love solid. And this time of my life offers none of that for me. So I didn't trust it and I didn't like it.

Like I mentioned earlier, I’m the girl who still tries to plan ahead when time has run out. And if I’ve learned anything in the past month: it’s that we need to plan to live in the moment. 

And by that I mean. Right now. Decide that you’re going to live in the moment.

Yes, we can all do better at managing our time. Preparing for things. Making achievable goals. Working towards something. But if you’re always planning everything, when are you supposed to live?

 It was really unfortunate that I spent so long hating a place before I even got there. Before the moment had even arrived. All of that energy was simply a waste. I think we get scared of truly living for now because we don't want to be naive. we live anticipating for reality to slap us and to tell us how stupid we've been for what we've felt and believed and pursued. we wait for the next let down. i've always been scared of this. that's why i like promises. I like establishment. I like things I can touch. I like hearing that I won't be let down.

see, I realized something. i don't really have any of that right now. but i do have passions and dreams and things and people i love. and because of that, there is a lot of beauty to be found. 

If I don’t give my heart to what I feel and believe right now, at this very second, then what should I give it to? Something I don’t love, something I don’t feel my blood racing for? Something logical? Should I do some better “planning” so I don’t get my heart broken as badly if my dreams don’t turn out exactly how I “planned” them to be?

Nope. I shouldn’t. And I’m not going to. Because I’m in love with the dreams I have right now. And I’m living in the moment with them. I am a full believer of dreaming. I am a full believer of making big mistakes. I am a full believer of feeling everything the moment has to offer.

I don't believe in doing anything half-hearted anymore out of fear of being hurt. 

Hard work, diligence, and patience in something that you love, whatever it may be, is not going to lead you somewhere you’re not supposed to be. 

None of us know the written ending. But we should all recognize that this world does not have limited doors.

This time of my life hasn't promised me anything. So when disappointment comes, because it always does in some way, I know where to look for healing. 

Why not give your full heart to what makes your blood race? Why not pursue what you’re passionate about?

You’re only going to grow.

There will always be something to fall in love with, unless we decide to ignore the details of people, the opportunities that surround ALL OF US, and the view outside our windows.

If you don’t feel passionate about something, I would recommend finding it NOW. I would recommend falling in love.

L i v e for this very second. And you'll undoubtedly become the person you're supposed to be.

-bri